20 Year End Reflection Questions + Decade Direction Goals

Wrapping up 2023

How has your year been? Are you slamming the door on 2023 or gently inching it shut savoring every last minute? Are you settling in to make some New Year’s Resolutions or maybe you’ve selected a word for the year? I don’t do any of those anymore. Keep reading + I’ll share why.

2023 has a been an interesting year for me. A year of ordinary ticking along until the fast forward button was pushed in Autumn. It happens every year. Although this year, with my Dad dying August 30th and my son getting married September 15th, life seemed to accelerate at a pace I struggled to keep up with. With our second set of kids (we adopted two young kids when our bio kids were all teenagers) still in High School Fall brings intense busyness with “AllTheThings”…sports, emails, school events etc…

I’m wondering if this rhythm will changed when my youngest graduates High School and we are finally, after 30 years, untethered from the school calendar? Or is it something larger, perhaps a true rhythm to the seasons? Time will tell. I’ll let you know in 3 years. ;)

Wish I was here for the Holiday Break! :)

Do you journal? I do. I have STACKS of journals. All kinds…beautiful leather ones, smaller chapter sized paperbacks, even spiral notebooks. There’s no common thread through the different styles. Just whatever struck my fancy at the time. Years ago, when I was younger, I used to imagine one day I’d be famous and my children’s children would want to read them. Now, I contemplate burning them all in a ceremonial sort of soul cleansing. I write everything from gratitude to gripes. I document the minute and the magnificent and whatever I wrestle with. Many have random essays, devotionals, and poems in them too.

I journaled through the Covid 19 Pandemic (which lasted a year and a half in my state.) Isn’t it funny that the way that time shaped us, in real time and in our memories, is a state-by-state experience? My second set of kids were in 5th and 7th grade in March of 2020 when they came home from school and stayed. March 13, 2020 was the last normal day of school until Fall of 2021 in Maryland. During that time I worked, from home. The ultimate blessing and curse, but that’s another story for another day. I’ve never read back through those journals, the wounds are still raw.

The journals feel like they’re keeping me anchored to a past I’m ready to cut loose from.

One activity I like to do in my journals is a form a REFLECTION at the end of the year. Or if it’s wayyyyy too busy I do it in January. I wish I was a person who could say, “Each year I ask myself these same 20 questions,” but the truth is I’m not that organized. Maybe sitting down to write this will be the start of something concrete I’ll stick to each year. Here’s hoping.

The second thing I like to do is to think about my DIRECTION. Many folks like to focus on each individual year when it comes to direction. There are resolutions and goals and words of the year. In full disclosure, I’ve wandered each of these paths. What I’ve landed on though is in thinking of my life in terms of decades. What is the main thing I want to focus on in this decade of life? I call it DECADE DIRECTION. If you don’t happen to be at one of the big years this year, that’s okay. Start where you are.

REFLECTION

Here are the 20 questions I’m reflecting on this year. They are grouped into 3 categories: Self, Relationships, + Faith. Feel free to use these or tweak them to your liking.

Self

1. What area did I focus most on last year either intentionally or inadvertently? (Physical, Emotional, Spiritual)

2. What is one good thing that came of this?

3. Am I comfortable with myself?

4. What is one thing I would I like to focus on this year? Set your intention toward Physical, Emotional or Spiritual. (Will you resume last year’s effort, tweak it, or move on to something new? Contrary to what the world tells you, you don’t need to have a new goal each year.)

5. When did I experience the most joy this past year?

6. When did I experience the most sorrow this past year?

7. What is one thing I’d like to subtract from my life this year?

8. What is one thing I’d like to add to my life this year?

9. If money wasn’t an object, what would I be doing with my time?

10. Is there one small way I can incorporate a bit of number 9’s answer into my life now?

Relationships (love, family, + friends)

1. How is my relationship with the person I love? (better, worse, same, stale, invigorated, great, terrible, steady, growing, stuck…)

2. What is something I can do to move it forward? (You can only change yourself. You can’t change others.)

3. How are my relationship with my family members?

4. Am I happy with these relationships?

5. If not, what is one thing I can do this year to improve them?

6. How are my relationships with friends?

7. What is one small thing I can do to be the kind of friend I wish to attract?

Faith

1. Do I believe in a higher power? + why do I believe what I believe?

2. Is there one thing I can do to walk further in my faith journey? (I truly believe we each have an individual journey. It’s up to us to search for answers.)

3. Who is someone I could ask for guidance? When will I ask them?

DIRECTION for the DECADE

I can’t emphasize how life changing it has been to focus on decades rather than individual years. If you’re someone who has always focused on each year, or one word for the year, you may find freedom in this way of thinking. It’s worked for me. Here are the questions to help you with your DECADE DIRECTION.

1. What decade of life am I currently in?

2. If I am part way through this decade, where has my focus been? (Do you see a pattern? You can still set an area of direction for the remaining part of this decade. )

   (Some of my own examples TWENTIES: Children- Babies and being able to stay home with them. We were beyond broke. It took a lot of creativity and side-hustling for me to be able to stay home with my babies. THIRTIES: Staying - Cultivating a rich family life and home for my husband and children + growing my faith. FORTIES: Me - Achieving some things solely for myself. One of those was health…I ran a marathon. Another was a second degree. FIFTIES: Rest -Learning to rest. Yes, I had to learn to rest. Incorporating rest into my days, months, seasons and years. This may sound comical at first, but adding a second set of kids into our lives in our forties proved to me a simple fact: I’m tired. It’s harder to parent now than in my twenties and thirties. Prioritizing rest has been crucial to being able to stay in the game.

   At 56, I’m already thinking about my 60’s and what I want the focus of that decade to be. I’ve found a decade of time gives me the most grace. Some years are harder than others. Life keeps lifing. It never lets up. Some years will bring unexpected hardships that alter your plans. Rarely will an entire decade remain hard. You have time to alter your course.)

3. How am I doing? As you go through this year think about where you are with this area of Decade Direction. Put it on your calendar. A meeting with yourself every 6 months. Am I doing well? Do I need to add or subtract something to get or keep my focus there? Or maybe the reminder is enough to lasso your energy back to this Decade Direction. (Remember, you have the gift of time. None of us have any guarantees on a long life. But we do have this day.)

Xo, Kathi

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